Pay Day Loans

Just when you need it the most, money runs out of our pockets/wallets. Many of us have experienced this kind of situation already, especially those who have certain obligations in life. Well, no one can be blamed. Our world is undergoing crisis. And I can only say it’s not gonna be better if no one makes a move.

Anyway, because of crisis, people are also reluctant to let us borrow money from them. And it frustrates us! Really! That’s why pay day loans are available for us and it can help us solve our financial problems immediately! The compnay offering it online doesn’t even check our credit history, so we don’t have to worry about bad credit or any other issue here! Now, who wouldn’t want that? That’s gonna be one heck of a problem solver!

Sadomasochism

Note: This is not a paid post.

Do you know what sadomasochism means? Well, according to Wikipedia, sadomasochism is used in psychiatry to describe either the co-occurrence of sadism and masochism in one person as separate disorders, or as a replacement for both terms. Want me to elaborate? Okay. Dictionary.com describes sadism as the deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from cruelty, and masochism as the deriving of pleasure, or the tendency to derive pleasure, from being humiliated or mistreated, either by another or by oneself. They’re similar in terms of the infliction of pain for pleasure. The difference is the object of pain. Sadism = others; masochism = self.

Why am I telling you this?

Just recently, when I’m alone, a lot of weird things pop up in my mind. And one of those things is seeing other people being tortured or something. And I like thinking about it over and over again, with a matching red-black theme. In case you didn’t know, red-black is my favorite color combination (you can add white and I’d still love it). And I like thinking about gloomy/emo/dark/gothic stuffs. I don’t know. It’s just… me. I don’t really know why I keep on thinking about those stuffs. All I know is that whenever I think about them, my eyes would just go wide in my head (meaning, I don’t show it) and a feeling of ecstasy starts. I may be a little exaggerating here. But… you get the point. You might say I’m kinda making up this stuff just so I could say something out of the ordinary. But, no. It’s true. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be wasting my time typing this entry.

I think it might have been better if I just kept it to myself to avoid disturbance to other people and the like. But if I did, I’d be the one to suffer from disturbance. Well, it’s nothing major, really. But the thought of me thinking about those things is kinda disturbing itself. Is it still normal? Uhh, I think it still is. I didn’t do anything harmful anyway that could prove my being a sadist/masochist. Oh, I think I’m more of a sadist than a masochist (it’s just a bit, okay? nothing too strong) ‘coz I haven’t thought of myself being the one inflicted with pain.

I don’t know if you have read this plurk of mine. But it was the first time I vented out about this thing.

And I’m actually into Flyleaf now, especially their song All Around Me. I just watched the video and… you just go on and watch it. Flyleaf is some kind of a “dark” band but, hey, don’t get me wrong. They’re a Christian band, if I read it right somewhere. If you could just read their bio, then you’d understand their music.

By the way, if you want to offer a little comfort, I’d be happy to receive it. But please don’t get it going all around. I hope to keep it just here in Animik. Not anywhere else.

Me, Myself, and I

Childish, immature, callow – that’s me five years ago. And I can’t say I’m not childish anymore. In fact, I still have that attitude in me sometimes. I have undergone a lot of changes not only physically but also mentally, emotionally, and behaviorally.

Physically, I don’t have much to brag about. For one, I don’t think I’ve grown an inch from five years ago. If I had, it would only be a negligible measurement. I’m still as cute in height as ever. It’s a little advantageous for me sometimes because people think I’m way younger than my age. But some people use it to tease me, and I don’t like it. Another thing, I’m chubby but I’ve actually lost weight now. My hair was originally long but I cut it short this year for a change. And I used to dress like a boy. Even my attitude was boyish. But now, I’m starting to act more girlish since I’m a girl.

Mentally, I presume the way I think now is more mature than five years before. I now think hard before making any crucial decision, making sure that I won’t regret it later on. I became more knowledgeable in several different stuffs like computer and academics. I also became more artistic since before, I didn’t have much sense of art. I became sharper in analysis but not to the point that I could solve every problem I encounter.

Emotionally, I think I became softer of a person than what I used to be. Before, I was more of a listener than a talker. But now, I’m both. I’m more expressive and I also listen intently to people, especially my friends, who share their thoughts with me. I also became more understanding of the situations that I and other people are in. Before, I always gave definite pieces of advice to my friends who had problems. But now, I realized it was not totally the right thing to do because I didn’t put myself in their shoes when I gave out the advice. I have learned that I should picture myself first in the situation before saying what I would do. And now, I’m more open and accepting to the fact that I commit mistakes sometimes. But there’s still pride in me. I still find it hard sometimes to lower myself down.

Behaviorally, I could say I’m more confident now than five years ago, though some shyness still remain in me. I also became more outgoing and more interactive with people around me. I became more conscious of how I act around people since others misunderstand some of my actions and they find it kind of offensive. I’m also more responsible and organized now. I keep a planner and a diary to document the things to do and the things that happened. Before, I was thrift. I didn’t buy things that were not so useful to me. I hate to admit it, but now, I’m more extravagant. Though I know I won’t have any use for some of the things, I still buy them just because they’re cute and that I want to have them. And then, before, I didn’t have a permanent clique. I was friends with everybody but I didn’t have a circle whom I go around with every time and whom I could share trivial and serious things with. But now, I’m more than happy with the group I’m in because I could express myself freely and we could share our bad and good moments with each other.

I know I have been molded by experiences into the person I am now. And I know I would still undergo a lot of things that would change me. Five years from now, I could picture myself as someone as successful as what I think I will be. Physically, though, I think I would just look older but my height would stay the same since I’m already more than 18 years old. I could say I will be healthier at that time because I decided to live a healthy life. Mentally, I think I will be more effective in making decisions that have been thought over hard and well. I hope to learn how to set my priorities but not leaving out the less important things. Emotionally, I presume I would be stronger in facing life’s challenges. I also hope to be able to lower myself down when the situation calls for it, not just thinking of myself and how I feel. Behaviorally, I see myself as a more active individual in the community. I think I could discipline myself to save more money for my future. I hope to become more updated with what’s going on locally, nationally, and internationally. I also hope to become more aware of the situation the world is going through, and be able to exert some effort in making this place a better one. And lastly, I hope to become the person expected of me. Or the person I’m really meant to be.